Up and Down The Alley

In 1947, after 16 years on the air, Fred Allen’s program suddenly became the highest rated show on radio. East coast, urbane and witty, the longtime favorite of college kids and intellectuals had somehow found a mass audience.

When called Town Hall Tonight, the program was a full hour. As the Fred Allen Show it was now a more focused, sharper half hour. His weekly “Allen’s Alley” sketch was a hit in itself. Fred called on 4 distinct neighbors: a southern Senator—later the inspiration for Foghorn Leghorn, a Jewish housewife, a New England farmer and an Irishman. Blending vaudeville style with topical gags, the Alley was ethnic humor but done with affection. The only real complaints were from the Irish—Allen’s own heritage. (Less affectionate is the cringe-inducing oriental detective spoof “One Long Pan.”) For one season the baggy-eyed man with the flat voice was No. 1. The following year he faced off against Stop the Music--a cheap, lowbrow giveaway show on a rival network--and dropped to No. 28. It was his program’s last year on the air.

Intriguing to me is the number of couples in radio at the time. Allen’s co-star Portland Hoffa met him while performing together in a Broadway revue and converted to Catholicism to marry him. Jack Benny and his wife/co-star Mary Livingston were both Jewish. Yet Burns and Allen had a mixed marriage. This bold-for-the-time relationship and the couple’s happy longevity inspired a sketch I later used in the first Dutch Loves Bijou Experiment in Vaudeville. It imagines a darker, mean-spirited mixed couple:

The Old Vaudevillians

Cast: Henry (chomps a cigar), June (Speaks in a high-pitched, mousy voice a la Gracie Allen)

June: Henry, Marge Henderson’s husband calls her Honey and Sweetie Pie. How come you don’t have a nickname like that for me?

Henry: (Takes cigar out of his mouth) What are ya talkin’ about June. I call you a whore in front of your friends don’t I? Ahar har har. (Replaces cigar)

June: Marge Henderson’s husband takes her arm when they go strollin’ in the park and holds her hand when they’re sittin’ on the bench. How come you never touch me like that?

Henry: (Takes cigar out) What are you talkin’ about. I smacked you around the other night didn’t I? Ahar har har. (Replaces cigar)

June: Marge Henderson’s husband takes her out to dinner. How come you never take me out to dinner?

Henry: (Takes cigar out) What are ya talkin’ about. I held your head down and made you eat that dog turd I found in the yard didn’t I? Ahar har har har. (Replaces cigar)

June: Your people killed the Messiah.

Henry: (Takes cigar out quickly) What? That’s not in the act.

June: I’m leaving you Christ killer. (June storms off the stage)

Henry: Gee, I guess mixed marriages don’t always work out. Even in the vaudeville. (Waits a beat) Ahar har har har. (Waits a beat and exits awkwardly.)