Another Bit Bites The Dust

The Cobb County evolution disclaimer case has ended after four fun-filled years.

The case made a lot of monologues and news satires including my own.

In stand-up it was this bit:

"The courts have ruled Cobb County must remove the anti-evolutionary warning labels from their science texts. But they will get to keep their 'In Case of Rapture This Bus Becomes Airborne' bumper stickers and the warnings on their Introduction to Art History Texts: 'What are you, some kind of fag?'"

But before came the community-access comedy calvalcade known as LAFFS. (Not my title. I repeat, not mine. Please dear God believe me I would never name a comedy show after the very thing it's supposed to generate.) For a desk piece on that show I wrote these:

Other Cobb County Schools Textbook Disclaimers

· Art Appreciation (Many famous artists were homosexual, a lifestyle condemned by most of the world’s major religions--including, but not only, Christianity. Rather than support such degeneracy—as their scriptures call it--many good people of faith with an eye for beauty collect biblical figurines or Thomas Kincade landscapes instead.)

· Chemistry (One noted scientist—with a Ph.D. and everything—estimated the average temperature of the unquenchable hellfire to be well over 20,000 degrees Kelvin. Something to think about.)

· Algebra ( alpha + omega = guess who )

· Calculus (For many, this subject is beyond their comprehension—like God’s ways.)

· Health (Sure Yoga’s good for stretching, but who’s the healthiest religious leader? Buddha?! Please. Have you seen the gut on that guy? And he’s supposed to know the true path to enlightenment? Maybe the true path to the nearest Shoney’s breakfast buffet. For a lean and fit spiritual icon, stick with ol’ Jesus H.)

· Music (Christian rock your mornings with Nahum and Ronnie on The Fish 104.7!)

· English (To split an infinitive is now commonly accepted. But there’s no splitting eternity. Where will you spend it?)

· World History (The Histoical Jesus believed in the biblical Jesus.)

· Woodshop (Carpentry was the Messiah’s vocation. Seek His blessing for your own birdhouse or paper towel holder.)

Looking back, I think the stand-up bit's tighter, but no matter. They're both passe now. Time to face a whole new year with a diminished repertoire. Who's the patron saint of dick jokes? I gotta start praying.