Krog Street, 1913

A sketch I wrote for the Free Parking show at Dad's Garage. A little too local for some of the crowd.

Krog Street Tunnel Dedication

COMMISSION CHAIR
As chair of the Fulton County Commission committee for Bridges, Tunnels and Confederate Memorials it is my great pleasure to proclaim that on this date of June 3, 1913 the Krog Street Tunnel is complete.

CROWD MEMBERS
Huzzah!

COMMISSION CHAIR
This new tunnel will give Atlanta residents north of the railroad tracks easy access to Grant Park, Oakland Cemetery and the blacksmith shops on Whitehall St.

CROWD MEMBERS
Huzzah!

COMMISSION CHAIR (more subdued)

It will also give residents from the south side easy access north.

CROWD MEMBERS
Boo!

COMMISSION CHAIR (Upbeat again)
But then back south again at the end of the day.

CROWD MEMBERS
Huzzah!

A Constable enters with a wooden pallet.

CONSTABLE
Sir, we found this wooden pallet leaning upright against the median.

COMMISSION CHAIR
It appears to have some words painted on. “a-fair-jug-well/Leonard’s Ale House/Friday June 9^th at 10.”

CONSTABLE
I believe that’s a local jug band playing Leonard’s this weekend.

COMMISSION CHAIR
What a crude sign. I should think a band would use a professional sign painter and have elegant hand bills printed.

CONSTABLE
Yes but this Do-It-By-Yourself sensibility certainly grabs your attention.

A pair of shoes tied together at the laces falls on or near the Commissioner.

CONSTABLE
Oh my. It appears somebody tied a pair of shoes to the railing atop the tunnel.

COMMISSION CHAIR (To the Crowd)
Did somebody tie these shoes together and throw them up there?

A 1913 Drug Dealer enters.

1913 DRUG DEALER
Yeah, those are mine. What you need?

COMMISSION CHAIR
Need?

1913 DRUG DEALER
You name it man, I got it. Cocaine-Phosphate, Opium Fizzies, Alcohol.

The crowd is stunned only at the mention of alcohol.

COMMISSION CHAIR
Sir, how dare you defile the Krog Street Tunnel with such illicit activity?

1913 DRUG DEALER
Hey man, when a city starts to build tunnels ya gotta expect a burgeoning underground economy.

COMMISSION CHAIR
That’s where you’re wrong, sir. This Krog Street Tunnel is a symbol of Atlanta’s progress and civic pride. It shows the collective will of the great citizens of the capital of the New South not to have to wait for the train to pass.

The Constable takes the 1913 Drug Dealer into custody.

COMMISSION CHAIR
And now I invite my fellow commissioners to sign the dedication stone. First Commissioner Key.

A man steps forward. He uses a stick to sign his name in an imagined block of wet cement.

COMMISSION CHAIR
And now Commissioner ACER.

Commissioner ACER takes out a can of spray paint and shakes it before tagging his name.

COMMISSION CHAIR
Next Commissioner No More Bu$hit.

Commissioner No More Bu$hit takes the can of spray paint. He holds up a stencil of his name that he will spray paint over.

COMMISSIONER NO MORE BU$HIT
The S in my name is a dollar sign.

COMMISSION CHAIR
And finally Commissioner Kilroy. Is Commissioner Kilroy here? … Commissioner Kilroy is not here. That’s unfortunate. But the tunnel is now open. There will be a small reception afterwards at the new Krog Street Soda Fountain. It’s actually down on Estoria. We’ll see you there.

CROWD MEMBERS
Huzzah!

THE END