Carbon Footprints in the Sand

Those new carbon footprint labels that tell all about the emissions and other ills released in the making of our favorite food products can be quite a shock. Who knew Dutch Windmill Cookies could be so socially irresponsible?

Hoef en Mund Farms Dutch Windmill Cookies are baked in coal-fired stoves. The butter comes from downer cows and the almonds are picked by heroin-addicted prostitutes in Amsterdam’s Red Light District from trees planted in Handicap Parking spots. The dough is cut by a coal-powered industrial cookie cutter shaped like a windmill and manned by an elderly woman we pay off the books and only by the gross. The cookies are shipped in small lots on an oversized, coal-fueled steamship once owned by the guy who turned in Anne Frank. May contain peanuts, gluten, soy and coal.