The Only Good Language is a Dead Language

The Pope's really pushing the Latin Mass.

Hey Catholics! Do you love attending mass but find it too accessible and coherent? Tired of seeing your priest's face while he talks? Put off by all those sluts who prance around with their heads uncovered? Try the Tridentine Rite! Never pray in the language of your own thoughts again!

And remember, Catholicism's the only true path to salvation.


So what's hell like Gandhi? You may have sought transcendent spiritual beliefs in the quest for social justice, but you never knelt after the Sanctus.

Enjoying the unquenchable eternal hellfires Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.? You may have taken Christ's teachings as a call to moral purpose but you lack a traceable apostolic succession. Instead, you went to Crozer Theological Seminary. Dipshit.

And hey Anne Frank, you may have captured in honest, personal prose the inexplicable terror of a world given in to fanaticism so evil it calls into doubt any just God's existence, but you never said the rosary. Tough break.