(But not as good.)
Ray: Send in the next applicant, please.
Bob (In an adenoidal voice): Hello.
Ray: Ah yes, Mr., uh, is it In-ab Alsabrook?
Bob: It’s pronounced I-nab with a long I.
Ray: I see. That’s a rather unusual name I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. Is it, uh, Welsh?
Bob: It’s nothing actually. My father thought it was biblical but our old testament had a lot of typos.
Ray: Well that certainly explains your interest in our copy editing position.
Bob: Yes, it’s become my life’s calling.
Ray: Mm hmm. Funny, I’ve been to Wales many times and never ran into an Inab. I’m not sure why I thought it could be Welsh.
Bob (obliviously continuing his previous thought): I know firsthand how incorrect printed matter can have dire consequences.
Ray (They are now engaging in alternating monologues): Met a couple Ians and a guy named Renfroe, but I think he was a tourist too. He had a Mickey Mouse t-shirt on and a distinctly southern accent.
Bob: I like to think all the taunts and beatings from schoolyard bullies wouldn’t have been in vain if I can dedicate my life to correcting print.
Ray: Now it says here you know Ward. Is that someone familiar to me you’re using as a reference but decided only to list by his first name?
Bob: That’s supposed to read Word as in Microsoft Word. I know Word.
Ray: Well that certainly calls into question your qualifications as a copy editor.
Bob: I’m sorry, but a lot of the vowels do look alike.
Ray: That’s certainly true, but close attention to detail would have noticed that error and that’s kind of what we look for in a copy editor. Funny, I used to know a Ward McIntyre. He was Scottish.
Bob: I certainly hope you won’t let this stand in the way of my life’s work.
Ray: Well I’ll certainly keep this on file. Is this your correct e-mail: Inab@ool.com?
Bob: That’s supposed to read aol.com.
Ray: Well there again, that doesn’t give me much confidence in your abilities. But if we receive no other applicants for copy editor whose resumes are less riddled with errors than yours, we’ll be in touch. Thank you.