Monday, February 27, 2006

Mardis Gras Memories

Growing up Catholic in rural Wisconsin, the Mardis Gras festivities were different than in New Orleans or Rio, but they were no less decadent. Spray painting “Class of 89” on the water tower, getting your bangs trimmed for the Ash Wednesday blessing and the infamously debauched Shrove Tuesday pancake supper at the Knights of Columbus. I’d always choose sausage patties instead of links and center them on my pancakes to create crisp, real pork areolas over flat, Bisquick breasts. Then I’d toss my rosary at the plate like the maple-drenched whore that it was.

For lent I’d forsake onanism.

Laissez les bons temps

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Men in Dresses

Saturday night our burlesque troupe played "Toadi-gras" at Jake's Toadhouse--the jam band capital of greater Shamrock Plaza. Dutch Loves Bijou is "an experiment in vaudeville" featuring dancing girls, vintage jazz and me, Barry Wright and Leonard Sharing doing "comedy." For the 1st show I showed Bijou a sketch that was a dark version of Burns & Allen. She liked it and decided to just put Barry in a dress for the wife. Then she ashed for a 2nd sketch where we'd switch. Thus was born Renee and Michel and Rene and Michelle. Believe it or not these shows remain my only cross-dressing experience. How does it feel? Comically derivative.

But who knew experimental comic, teamster and 3-day Jeopardy champ Leonard could tap dance?

Silent Runners

Get Downsized is a comedy using slapstick, facial expression and deadpan physicality but no dialogue. Non-verbal comedy--an introvert's favorite kind. What's more, it features Mary Kraft and former BAIR bear Josh Ford.

It rekindled an interest in silent comedies, many of which are now streaming.
Laurel kicks Hardy in the Nuts

Thank you public domain.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Long Gone Pal-a-mine

Drove down Auburn today. Demolition of the long-closed Palamont Motor Lodge on the corner of Auburn and Piedmont has begun. Soon a mixed-use development will replace the ruins where users mixed. But will the sleek new Renaissance Walk at Sweet Auburn boast a street sign in an eyecatching fecal orange? (It'd help if I'd have gotten a picture of the sign last week. That's my tough shit, I guess.)

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Pragmatist

Hamas is set to name a Pragmatist as its candidate for Palestinian Prime Minister. Apparently Ismail Haniya only hates Jews when it’s practical and utilitarian as opposed to more the formalist anti-Semitism of Khaled Meshal, Mahmoud Zahar and T.S. Eliot. For Haniya, anti-Semitism is not a fixed metaphysical reality. Only as a functional symbol or schemata designed by man to facilitate the use, or experience, of reality does hating Jews gain meaning.

Pragmatism was popularized by American philosopher William James, who had a bratty nephew named Israel he was always threatening to “drive into the sea.”

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Obiter Dictum I

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

No One Remembers HIS Father

Sunday was Charles Darwin's birthday. Or at least the random date assigned as his feast day. Were he still alive, Darwin could have celebrated with an onion/flower mutation at Outback Steakhouse.

Darwin died at age 73 of heart failure. Heh, that's fuckin' hilarious, man. Heart failure?! What a dipshit. The gene pool's better off without him. Someone should give Darwin an award for dying like such an imbecile. Heart failure. Hmph. Dumb fuck.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

An Audio Premise

Friday, February 10, 2006

Don't Do One Thing But Make Music for Us To Enjoy

Reclusive author Harper Lee made a public appearance 2 weeks ago. Looks like someone else is on meds. Harper Lee finished To Kill A Mockingbird in 1960 and, save for a couple essays, hasn’t published another word since. But now I hear she’s finally coming out with her 2nd book. This one’s a little different, it’s a work of non-fiction titled The Complete "Gilmore Girls" Episode Guide.

Will it lyrically stir the conscience of a nation yet again?

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Coretta Scott King lied in honor yesterday at Ebenezer Baptist on historic Auburn Avenue. Ebenezer Baptist, a church that is rich in history, an intellectually rigorous theology and a commitment to social justice. But her funeral today was at Bishop Eddie Long’s New Birth Missionary Baptist on historic Exit 74. New Birth Missionary, a church that is rich. But Bernice works there, so ....

Don't mean to be too harsh on the King children; I’m a disappointment too.

Monday, February 06, 2006

5 Months After the Morning After

Here's the audio of a short set from last Sept over a still image. It's an experiment. The set starts kinda slow but builds a little. The closing bit about a Wal Mart shooting seems in poor taste now, so I cut it from this edit. It did well at the bar though. Get me drunk enough and I might tell it again.

Set List:
Waffle House at 50
The Jukebox
Folk Art
Rice N' More
The Morning After Pill
Wal Mart Shooting

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Start With A Topic Sentence

Last night we tried our "Heckle the State of the Union" show at the Five Spot. The big screen projector's bulb was burned out so the modest turnout watched the bar TV's while we sat behind them on the stage. With no rehearsal and the awkward disconnect with the audience the show wasn't a bullet train of comic hilarity, but it was an interesting experiment. Part of the fun of a slapped-together show is writing on deadline. Before the speech Mark Podojil and I performed this little number in almost as much time as it took to write. Sure it's weak, insincere and lacks real vision but it didn't take me 30 drafts.

The Misinformed Liberal

Next we have a speaker who asked to say a few words. He’s the right wing’s favorite cliché: the Misinformed Liberal. A man whose hatred of President Bush is matched only by the inaccuracy of his facts. Come on up here Misinformed Liberal.

(The ML walks up to the mic wearing a “U.S. Out of Iran” T-shirt.)

Yeah, man. I’ve got some things to say. George W. Bush sucks! Did you know he went to Princeton? That’s the most conservative school in the Ivy League. You can’t trust anyone who went to Princeton.

Actually, I believe the president went to Yale.

Lousy Bush, man. I think his problem is that he’s an only child. If he’d had some brothers and sisters growing up he might have learned to work with people better.

The president has several brothers including one who is Governor of Florida.

Bush made all his money from the pharmaceutical industry. His company Pestiferous Labs knew their eczema treatment was overly drying but they never told the FDA.

He was an oilman. And was a partner at the Texas Rangers. Plus his family was rich. No dirty eczema money.

George W. Bush, man. The W stands for Wilberforce. What the fuck kinda name is Wilberforce? We need a president, not a 1920s New Yorker cartoon.

It’s Walker. George Walker Bush. I don’t know where you got Wilberforce.

When he was 9 George W. Bush was abducted by aliens from the planet Tagalog. He was injected with a mixture of glycol and Fresca and given the secret codes to Mylar 5. After returning to earth he buried his radioactive duodenum in a cigar box somewhere near Kennebunkport. After assuming power he’ll wage a war on science until non-Euclidean chaos reins allowing the evil Cthulhu to emerge and feast on all humanity.

… Well now that’s true.

Alright man, I’ve gotta take off now. I’ve got Donna the Buffalo tickets at the Variety…

Wasn't that show was a couple weaks ago.

But before I go I just want to wish everybody peace. Okay, peace y’all.

(The Misinformed Liberal flips his middle fingers thinking that’s the peace symbol and leaves.)