Sunday, April 30, 2006

Some Pre-Sabbatical Stand Up

Live at the Star Bar again. Recorded sometime last summer.

Set List:
How to Save on Beer Money
Myron Floren
New Movie
Fakin' an Orgasm
My Obituary
Mom thinks I'm Gay
My Characters

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Head for the Hills

Revolution's afoot in Nepal.

Experts say the advantage should go to whoever holds the high ground.

And how 'bout that flag?

It must have a lot of back problems.

Meth labs in Nepal must allow for longer cook times and a lower boiling rate.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Where's Tank Man?

With the anniversary of the 1989 Tiananmen Square uprising approaching, Frontline aired a new documentary about its most iconic figure and his uncertain fate.

Sadly I fear he may be here.

Could one of those posable Asian corpses be him? At Atlanta's very own Boisfeuillet Jones Civic Center?

Arm pulled back in a pitcher's wind up? Crouched like The Thinker? Or is that him split in two on the Premier Exhibitions Inc. logo? His arms mockingly set akimbo in a posthumous satire of his nervous slouch? His undefiant defiance? And of it's apparent futility?

Is that what life-like corpses can teach?

Sunday, April 09, 2006

The Passion According to Elizabeth Taylor

Ever wonder what the Crucifixion smelled like?

"Elizabeth Taylor's Passion contains a luscious blend of oriental and floral notes. Jasmine and roses are mixed with ylang-ylang and laced with lily of the valley."

Well, it was springtime so using floral scents makes sense, but I'm not sure ylang-ylang was native to Jerusalem circa 33 AD.

I'd always imagined sweat mixed with thorns, a hint of Simon's funk--I hear he liked asparagus--and of course the blood of the Lamb. Most lamb's blood I've smelled was usually drowned out by chick peas and way too much tahini, but then none of those were divine.

Dona Nobis Pacem.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Welcome to the Coke Side of Overactive Bladder

Coke is releasing a Coffee Cola. It's two, count 'em, TWO Diuretics in One!

My bladder averages 4 trips to the restroom for every 6 ounces of coffee and 3 for every 12 ounce can of Diet Coke. Unless I'm close enough to a facility that I can chug the whole bottle and then use the empty as a slop jar on my way, I'll only try the new Coca-Cola Blak while standing at a urinal.