The Majestic Diner

My little tribute to the diner down on Ponce that's been sobering up this city for almost 80 years.

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Mandatory Olympic Gags

Did these Monday night but my recorder wasn't working. Just imagine a restless crowd of drunken hipsters staring archly.

The Olympics sure look exciting, don't they? Atlanta should bid for them. Wouldn't it be cool to see Atlanta host the Olympics? It might improve our human rights record.

It's dusty in Beijing. Even the songbirds sound like Tom Waits.

President Bush and his dad were in Beijing for the games. Guess they wanted to enjoy the last days of the Bush Dynasty in a land that gives a shit about dynasties.

Honestly, did H.W. have to let his son run for office too, couldn't they have just played T-ball or something? But I get the feeling even if they did just play T-ball there'd still be tens of thousands of Iraqi dead.

Nature Abhors a Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

• In 2005 Hurricane Katrina severely damaged the Oreck Vacuum factory in Long Beach, MS forcing its eventual relocation.
• In 2006 Don “Okie” Dokey’s Dust Busters, Dust Buster Repairs and Meth store in Burnt Draft Card, Oklahoma was destroyed by a sandstorm. Over 50 balladeers have written songs about it.
• In June of 2008, Wet Vac World of Cedar Rapids was flooded out.
• Due to a genetic condition inventor/entrepreneur James Dyson is unable to use a straw.
• In his arrogant rebellion against Dirt God, the Dirt Devil was cast out of paradise and forced to crawl on his belly and eat dust all the days of his life.